I Have to Confess... I've Sometimes Wondered, "When Is It My Turn?" Myself

I hear this question frequently in my encounters with people in need.  I hear it asked by people who don’t lack resources, but are still searching for something.  It is uttered by people across a spectrum of race, class, gender, age, education and physical condition.  It is almost universally a cry that humanity lifts even as those asking feel that they are the only ones who have to ask it.  “When is it my turn?”

  

I’m sharing some ponderings on this particular question today because I recently heard it asked by a close friend of mine who is struggling with their circumstances.  They have come to a place of deep sorrow, and are wanting more... NEEDING more than what they are able to scrape together to get by financially; and are feeling disconnected from friends and life and the person they once saw themselves as being. 
They look around them and see other people in their life who seem to have found a way to get it together… who still get together and hang out… who don’t seem to be struggling with finances, cars, being single, and many other things that loom pretty large in front of them… and in seeing those things, wonder “Why can’t I have that?”  Worse, they actually pointed to my life and what I have as an example of what it is they might be looking for. 

  

Here is my first thought about this… I have failed to BE a friend to this person in not seeing the signs a little sooner that they were hurting.  And I am sorry for that.  I suppose that it is due in some part to the fact that this person, to me, has always seemed to be able to withstand some pretty tough things and still keep moving.  Heck! They have saved my bacon a time or two or two hundred.  And I’ve never thought about the fact that I might be a source of sadness for this person, because they know all of my “stuff”… past stuff, current stuff, imaginary stuff… they know every bit of it.  But they don’t realize that at least a part of the reason that I am still around to enjoy the blessings is because they were such a large help to me when I DIDN”T have much at all.  I had their friendship, and I was richer for it.  So what do I do now to help them?

  

Well, I’m going to begin by offering this affirmation… you are loved and you are valued by the people that matter the most.  God, your family, I, and my family know just how wonderful you are even if you don’t always see it or feel it.  I know that that sounds kind of clichéd, but it is true.  Your value isn’t in your bank account or lack of one; it’s in the kindness, loyalty, and support you are gifted for giving.  It is in your sincere attempts to be the type of friend you want to find.  Your value is in your willingness to keep plugging away at handling your responsibilities and duties as a parent; not in your ability to do it perfectly.  And it is ultimately tied to God’s view of you, not the world’s.  Look to what God has to say about you… He knows you better than even you do.  So who are you to argue if God says you’re valuable enough to die for?

Secondly, I want to encourage you to speak up when you’re struggling in these ways.  In the immortal words of the Bill Weathers song, “please swallow your pride if I have things you need to borrow.  For no one can fill those of your needs that you don’t let show.”  And that goes for the emotional needs too.

  

Opening yourself to a relationship with God that balances you actually prepares you to move into better places and bigger blessings because you have the ability to let go of past burdens in a way that frees you to receive a future with arms wide open.  It takes some work, but it can be done.  (But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6: 33)

  

Thirdly, and this is as much for the people who are friends of those who are struggling; be intentional in working on relationships with the people whom you have called your friends!  In an age where friendship has been strangely reduced to clicks, likes and pokes; actual voice conversations and fellowship are NEEDED in order to restore the blessing of living in each other’s actual lives as opposed to virtually staying connected.   A “like” can’t replace a hug, no matter how much we may want it to.  A posted meme or picture, as funny or uplifting as it may be, can’t produce the same benefit as warm laughter shared by friends who might see it together.  A “praying for you” is comforting in the knowledge that someone is praying in our trials… but not nearly as comforting as someone taking the time to lift prayers in our presence (or even on the phone if need be).  I’m not saying that people shouldn’t connect via the internet or social media… just that we should be deliberate in making real and non-digital contact as often as we can.

  

And finally I want to offer this last thought for my friend in response to their question about when it is their turn… the answer is now.  It has been, is, and will be your turn to experience good things in your life.  NOT in terms of material wealth, perfect love, or an absence of problems; but in the experience of contentment, balancing and complimentary romantic and loving relationships, and peace in the knowledge that the problems you do face are temporary.  The catalyst isn’t figuring out how to get more, or better, stuff.  The catalyst is in realizing the blessing in what you already have.  (I shared some thoughts on the pursuit of happiness the other day in a Facebook post that I’m linking here if you’re interested.  https://www.facebook.com/notes/chris-cooksey/in-pursuit-of-happiness/10152284273951345 )

  

It isn't about taking a good long look at our lives... it's about the good long look at where BLESSING is in them. Where we find blessing, we find God. Where we find God, we find hope. And where we find hope, we know promised victory isn’t very far away.  I’m not calling anyone out; but rather calling them IN to an understanding that thankfulness breeds positive result even in less than ideal circumstance.  (Or to put it another way... thankfulness teaches us to see through God's love colored glasses!)  Prayers, peace and love my friend.