When Two Become One Mess
(A User's Guide for Understanding Your Spouse)
Chapter 3: The Progression of Sexy over the Course of a Marriage
What WOMEN find sexy
|
What MEN find sexy
|
1st year of marriage
How he fills a pair of jeans.
|
1st year of marriage
How she looks wearing that special
dress
|
15th year of marriage
How he fills a dishwasher.
|
15th year of marriage
How she looks holding a ham sandwich
while wearing, well he couldn’t tell you what she was wearing because that
ham sandwich looks like it’ll really hit the spot. Then basically whatever she’s wearing is
pretty dang sexy!
|
25th year of marriage
When he EMPTIES a dishwasher.
(And gets his socks in the hamper
for once!)
|
25th year of marriage
The sandwich thing, not arguing over the remote control, and
depending on whether or not she gave him too much grief about the dishwasher,
is she awake?
|
Chapter 4: Language
Barriers
When she says / she really
means
|
When he says / he really
means
|
“What?”
–
“I’m just giving you a chance to change
that moronic thing you just said before I go nuclear.”
|
“What?”
-
“I was watching TV, and you sounded
like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Please
repeat what you just said. But wait
for the commercial. And would you bring
me a drink?”
|
“It’s
nothing” –
“There’s more than a 95% chance you’ve
done or said something that has me upset.
It’s something alright.”
|
“It’s
nothing.” –
“Really, there’s nothing to worry,
fuss, or stress over. AND I’ll at
least halfway clean the mess I made when you heard that banging noise you
asked about in the first place.”
|
“I
don’t want to talk about it.” –
“I DON’T want to talk about it. I want YOU to explain yourself and it had
better be what I want to hear, or we’re going to talk about it.”
|
“I
don’t want to talk about it.” –
“I don’t want to talk about it. Ever.
Really.”
|
“Did
you take the trash can to the road?” –
“I know you didn’t take the trash can
to the road. But I’m trying to
passive-aggressively establish that I brought it up so you can’t get mad
later when I bring up the fact you didn’t get it done and now the can is
overflowing.”
|
“Did
you take the trash can to the road?” –
“I forgot to take the can to the
curb. Think you could get that while
you’re up? Thanks hon.”
|
“Oh,
that’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” –
“Sleep with one eye open mister. I promise, my next husband won’t make that
stupid of a mistake.”
|
“Oh,
that’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” –
“I’m trying to avoid a fight with
you. It’s just easier to let it go
than have to talk it to death or worse; to have to sleep with one eye open.”
|
I have to confess, I think it would be a best seller if I ever got around to writing it.
Be blessed, and may you find peace in your homes today and every day.
Love in Christ always,
Chris
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