I Confess... I'm Not Sure I Could Be A Self Help Guru.

     I'm not sure that I could speak with much expertise about how to make a marriage successful.  Like my faith, I can only talk about what I've learned through experience.  So I've come up with a couple of chapters for an as yet not begun, upcoming guide to help strengthen marriages, which likely won’t ever be written titled: 

When Two Become One Mess

(A User's Guide for Understanding Your Spouse)

Chapter 3: The Progression of Sexy over the Course of a Marriage

What WOMEN find sexy	What MEN find sexy
1st year of marriage How he fills a pair of jeans.	1st year of marriage How she looks wearing that special dress
15th year of marriage How he fills a dishwasher.	15th year of marriage How she looks holding a ham sandwich while wearing, well he couldn’t tell you what she was wearing because that ham sandwich looks like it’ll really hit the spot.  Then basically whatever she’s wearing is pretty dang sexy!
25th year of marriage When he EMPTIES a dishwasher. (And gets his socks in the hamper for once!)	25th year of marriage The sandwich thing, not arguing over the remote control, and depending on whether or not she gave him too much grief about the dishwasher, is she awake?

Chapter 4: Language Barriers

When she says / she really means	When he says / he really means
“What?” – “I’m just giving you a chance to change that moronic thing you just said before I go nuclear.”	“What?” - “I was watching TV, and you sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher.  Please repeat what you just said.  But wait for the commercial.  And would you bring me a drink?”
“It’s nothing” – “There’s more than a 95% chance you’ve done or said something that has me upset.  It’s something alright.”	“It’s nothing.” – “Really, there’s nothing to worry, fuss, or stress over.  AND I’ll at least halfway clean the mess I made when you heard that banging noise you asked about in the first place.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” – “I DON’T want to talk about it.  I want YOU to explain yourself and it had better be what I want to hear, or we’re going to talk about it.”	“I don’t want to talk about it.” – “I don’t want to talk about it.  Ever.  Really.”
“Did you take the trash can to the road?” – “I know you didn’t take the trash can to the road.  But I’m trying to passive-aggressively establish that I brought it up so you can’t get mad later when I bring up the fact you didn’t get it done and now the can is overflowing.”	“Did you take the trash can to the road?” – “I forgot to take the can to the curb.  Think you could get that while you’re up?  Thanks hon.”
“Oh, that’s fine.  Don’t worry about it.” – “Sleep with one eye open mister.  I promise, my next husband won’t make that stupid of a mistake.”	“Oh, that’s fine.  Don’t worry about it.” – “I’m trying to avoid a fight with you.  It’s just easier to let it go than have to talk it to death or worse; to have to sleep with one eye open.”

I have to confess, I think it would be a best seller if I ever got around to writing it.  

Be blessed, and may you find peace in your homes today and every day.

Love in Christ always,

Chris